how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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