You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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