I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
