I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
