We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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