I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
