That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
