so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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