I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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