So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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