dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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