I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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