do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
