she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My life is pants optional.
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