I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
