i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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