i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
