you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
