Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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