So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
