hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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