Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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