Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
