His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
