Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
