I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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