you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
