i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
