p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
