then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my shit smells like andre
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
