Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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