his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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