Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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