I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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