There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
