just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
