17 year olds will be the death of me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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