I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
