Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
