if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
