His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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