I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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