I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
