why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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