Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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