The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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