There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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