yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
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I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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