why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
