someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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