That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
