ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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