Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
