i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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