I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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