i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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