im drinking this country out of the recession.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
