I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
17 year olds will be the death of me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
