ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
