He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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