my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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