she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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