I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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