can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My dick has a subreddit
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
