i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
