yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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