theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
