You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
