I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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