ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
