Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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