just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
