Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
