I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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