Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
