Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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